Tom & Joe: in her shoes

I’m trying to take a quick nap before a long night of grappling with words, ideas, and concepts; but my overactive/ overstressed/ overused brain won’t stop going on wild tangents. So I go, “Screw the nap, I might as well be procrastinating.” Yeah, not a very smart idea. I know.

Toni Braxton – Unbreak My Heart Heard this song on the bus to school this morning, can’t get it out of my mind.

Anyhooo I present to you, Tom & Joe, a random little skit that popped into my head while I was trying not to think:

Joe: I am a humorless, shy, insipid, ugly girl. I should slice a hole in the air and disappear into it.

Tom: What on earth are you doing facing that wall all by yourself and mumbling under your breath?

Joe: I am bringing myself into coordination with my girlfriend by mentally aligning my cognitive trajectory with hers and in so doing, experiencing, at first hand, the emergent properties of…

Tom: Whoa! English, speak English.

Joe: … I am.

Tom: [sigh] Can you dumb that down so I’ll know what you are actually talking about? Please.

Joe: Ah! Why didn’t you just say so?

Tom: …

Joe: Well, I’m trying to connect with my girlfriend on a conceptual level.

Tom: By pretending to be a girl?

Joe: No, by practicing putting myself in her shoe.

Tom: [aside] Why don’t you just walk around in her 5 inch stiletto?

Joe: What?

Tom: Nothing! [averts eyes] But do you have to put her down like that? I mean, put yourself down. You know, the “you” that’s supposed to be “her” but is really your version of her, not the actual her “her”.

Joe: …

Tom: Never mind.

Joe: Tom, you must understand, Charlotte is a very insecure girl.

Tom: And?

Joe: The only way I can understand her is pretend to be her. They say that if you repeat a certain characteristic to yourself enough times, you will start to believe it. By believing I am her, I can attempt to map her cognitive processes onto a shared conceptual space and extrapolate ….

Tom: Anyway! I’m gonna go grab some beer, I’ll let you go back to your wall.

And I’m gonna tell myself that everything is manageable within the limited time frame and hopefully keep those naughty corticotropin-releasing factors in line.

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