Invincible Shan Bao Mei 13: Together, Almost

sLeehom Wang ft. Selina — You’re the Song of My Heart

You know what the members of the Invincible Shan Bao Mei production team have in common? They all like this darn thing very, very much:

Therefore, it’s absolutely imperative that each main character takes turn wearing it. (Because simply being imperative isn’t enough. It has to be made absolute.)

After watching 12 episodes of this, it only occurs to me that Wei Qing is more fickle, more malleable than an indecisive, whiny girl. Just yesterday, he was still all pumped and determined about how he’s going to kick Sun Wu Di’s pink buttocks. Then today, a watch and an ugly fist fight between two monkeys men softens him down and suddenly he’s fidgeting and stuttering about how he has treated Shan Bao like bird dropping and yet she’s kind enough to save his daughter, yadayadayada. You would think the fire, losing his wife, and the need to flesh-out the anger would turn this man into a cynical beast. Nuh-uh. He goes all wishy-washy on you and completely changes as if his identical twin suddenly takes over his spot in the story. But at least, he takes Shan Bao to the hospital.

Wu Di doesn’t tag along yet, he has a much bigger role to play — to confuse the Guang Ji Four into believing that Shan Bao had lost her virginity to an unmanly shorty with glasses. So the Guang Ji Four have a little fun tweaking their facial features to pose for the self-fulfilled tragedy where Shan Bao is first taken advantage of, second attempts suicide, and third on her way to the hospital. And, and, AND! Somewhere along the way that jerk Wei Qing got involved.

Nice try, except the real one is far less exciting. In actuality, Wei Qing comes to find his daughter and sees Wu Di wrestling with Ah Ming instead. Wu Di spots Wei Qing and yells for him to go in and save Shan Bao. (Save the beauty from who? Ma chère, the beast is with you!) Perhaps this is a once in a lifetime scene, or maybe the two guys are in such a ridiculous position, Wei Qing just stands there dumbfounded, temporarily forgetting that his purpose is to find Tian Qing. Then Wu Di manages to yell out that Shan Bao has saved Tian Qing. This drags Wei Qing back to reality, he dashes into the room and sees his daughter trying to wake Shan Bao. After taking a 180º turn from his usual resentful self, he carries Shan Bao to his car and drives her to the hospital.

Once the Guang Ji Four figure out the gist of the real story, their blood cortisol level drop to zero (well, significantly. You get the idea). With nothing to worry about, they start to chide Wu Di for not following Shan Bao immediately and urges him to go. They don’t really want him to go. Because, why else do they hinder him from running after her with a “Are You in Love” self quiz? In any case, Wu Di scores 100% on the love readings and is finally certain that he is in love with Shan Bao. (That took you long enough.)

In the hospital, Shan Bao wakes up slowly and comforts Tian Qing, who’s worried sick for Shan Bao. Shan Bao tells the little girl that if she (Tiang Qing) wants, she (Shan Bao) can be her mother. Tian Qing likes with the idea instantly and takes great pleasure in calling Shan Bao “mommy”. Wei Qing watches with wide-eyed wonder and thought to himself that if he hadn’t taken Shan Bao for granted, things might be very different today. Walking out of the hospital room, Wei Qing sees Wu Di. He stops Wu Di and expresses his regret for not cherishing Shan Bao when he had the chance and represents himself as a threat to Wu Di and Shan Bao’s relationship. He emphasizes that,

If you let [Shan Bao] shed a single tear, I will take her away from you.

Before the two guys can jump into a fight, Shan Bao walks out. Naturally, Wu Di shepherds her out. Walking side by side slowly, they are overtaken by a shyness. The two of them come to a halt and it’s Shan Bao who wets her lips to confess first. But before she can start, a herd of rowdy girls surrounds Sun Wu Di for autograph and pushes Shan Bao out of the picture.

Wu Di lets go of his usual narcissistic self. Instead of posing in front of the cameras and savoring in the spotlight of attention, he takes sneaky glances at Shan Bao, monitoring carefully each minute gesture of hers to see if she is offended by the interruption imposed by his fans. A sharp eyed fan notices Shan Bao and questions whether this ordinary girl is Wu Di’s girlfriend. “Of course not.” Shan Bao denies. As soon as the “not” slips out, she regrets it. Why didn’t she say “not yet” instead?

Eventually, Shan Bao puts on her favorite helmet and drags Sun Wu Di away by the hand like a knight in funky armor.

When they return home, Sun Wu Di jumps into shower in good spirits. While Wu Di is in the shower, Shan Bao is hunted down and seated in front of a panel of judges curious family members who press her for the details of the day. (Mainly the promenade part with Sun Wu Di.) Since love readings are so entertaining, they decide that they should do more! There is no doubt that Shan Bao will score 100% on the reading but the questions themselves are a little, er, out of the norm. (I guess it depends on what you consider as norm.)

The list of questions goes like this:

  1. If <it> is breast feeding, would you be willing to squeeze the milk for <it>?
  2. When prompted, would you be willing to wax for <it>, no matter where?
  3. When <it> is sick, would you be alright with measuring the rectal temperature for <it>?
  4. When <it> has been loitering outside for a prolonged period of time, you would not only refrain from getting angry at <it>, instead, you would take <it> in and help <it> take a shower until <it> is sparkling clean?

* In Chinese, he/she/it and the third person pronoun for God are written differently but share the same sound. The only way to distinguish is through context. But if context doesn’t clue you in, brace yourself for some embarrassing misinterpretation. Now, try replacing the “it” with “he” for the chunk above. (In case you haven’t figured out, the reading Shan Bao’s brother used to assess Shan Bao’s relationship with Wu Di is meant for pets.)

The result of the reading is that there is absolutely no doubt, none whatsoever, that <it> is Shan Bao’s babe. There is no need for words, just let their bodies entwine! (According to the reading that is. Apparently, the writers are pro premarital sex.)

Alright, after your little giggle fit, here is something to raise your eyebrows. After hearing the result of the reading, (especially the bodies entwine part,) Chief Guang decides that he’ll help (gasp, right?) push the two of them together and make opportunity for Shan Bao to get laid. (Mmm…) To make that happen, a three day vacation is called.

Giddy to share the good news with Sun Wu Di, Shan Bao runs to Wu Di’s room. She announces the good news and drags Wu Di to a table to apply ointment to his bruised face. While dabbing his face gently with the tip of her finger, she reveals that she has scored equally well on the love reading. They orient themselves to kiss. The distance between their faces become smaller and smaller, then the trash truck’s arrival breaks the silent spell. They parted instantly and each look away embarrassingly. Alright, so we won’t get a kissing scene in this episode. What about the anticipated confession? Let’s work towards that. So, Wu Di and Shan Bao start all over. He holds her hand and looks straight into her eye, preparing himself for a tear-inducing confession when Da Dao walks in to ask Shan Bao for a favor.

Fine, no confession either.

Tian Qing really warms up to the idea of having Shan Bao as her mother. She nags her father to invite Shan Bao over so they can be like a family and live together. Sorry sweetie, ’tis not happening. What is happening is that Wei Qing is going to take two days off to spend time with Tian Qing. He plans to take her to her mother’s grave. (I sense some convenient coincidences coming this way.)

The next morning, when Wei Qing requests for a two day vacation, he overhears Wu Di’s uncle and his sidekick’s conversation concerning what really happened in the fire that’s to cause Wei Qing his chance of happiness. Vengeance is stirring once more.

Guang Ji’s three day vacation turns out to be a long double bicycle ride to a small village that contains a tiny church. The legend has it that whichever couple kisses when the church bell strikes nine, they are destined to stay together. (Ahhh! Gimme a minute to turn off my BS detector before it blasts your eardrums.) Upon hearing the legend, Wu Di starts paddling like crazy, hoping to get to the church before nine. “Did you know that by nine o’clock, it means nine o’clock at night? So even if we get there now, we would still have to wait for night to come to do anything.” Shan Bao explains. “Oh. OH.” But before he can slow down, the bike trips on a piece of rock and down the couple falls flat on their butts.

They arrive at the (cheap) hotel, and are quickly assigned rooms. Shan Bao takes a shower and goes to the balcony to embrace the meat smell-free air. A stroke of luck has it that the balcony sliding door should lock itself behind her on its own. (See, even inanimate objects are conspiring to push for the confession.) She is faced with the option of either wait for Chi Xing Jie, who shares the room with her, to return; or, to crawl to her brother’s room in a towel. (And find his balcony door locked as well?)

But being avid drama watchers, we know she won’t find the right room. Surly enough, she crawls into Wu Di and Xiao Sa Ge’s room and rummages through Wu Di’s bag to find herself an oversized shirt. To avoid embarrassing herself in her current attire in front of Wu Di, she hides under the bed as he walks out of the shower.

He steps into a mirror, takes off his bath robe and starts changing in front of her. Then looking at the (gaudy) hair pin, his smile vanishes. “Hu Shan Bao, stop hiding!” Uh Oh, she thought. “From now on, I want you to be my woman.” From under the bed, Shan Bao whispers, “okay!” Then remembering her situation, she covers her mouth and hides herself deeper into the under side of the bed. Wu Di turns towards the sound source and sees no one. (Looking in the wrong place, dude.) He returns to his mirror, “There are so many different brands of drinks out in the market, but you, Hu Shan Bao, you’ll always be my only choice.” Needless for me to say more, even Sun Wu Di himself thinks it’s a little on the mushy side. He tries again.

Hu Shan Bao, since we’ve known each other, so much has happened. We need to do something about it instead of letting things continue the way they are now. We’ve traversed thus far and we both know that whether or not you have developed biceps, or the roast meat smell, whenever I see you, I find my heart racing, my face flustering, still constantly worried about you… I would do anything to protect you, to keep you from harm’s way. Whether I’m invincible or not, you always stay by my side because to you, I’ll always be the Invincible Sun Wu Di.

I’ve know about your feelings toward me. Now, I’m letting you know how I feel. You have two choices. 1) Be my girlfriend. 2) Let me be your boyfriend.

If she can hear a confession three times (no matter how vomit-inducing those confessions are), being called a stalker for hiding under the bed or a pervert for stealing a guy’s personal clothes may be worth it.

sbm

It’s a small, small world. The church Wu Di and Shan Bao are so excited about going is the same one where Wei Qing and his deceased wife exchanged their marriage vow. Under the nine o’clock bell, they kissed some good n years ago. Now he’s back at the church, but she’s not longer with him. Meanwhile, Shan Bao has arrived at the church door. (Can’t a man have a moment to mope over his dead wife?!) She walks in. (Sun Wu Di, that superfluous imbecile is outside, binding a few plucked fake flowers together.)

“Sun Wu Di, please, don’t turn.” Shan Bao starts without looking up to see who she’s talking to. (What if it turns out to be a toothless 80 year-old?) She continues shyly, “I’ve heard your practiced confession. I want to tell you that whether it’s to be your particular brand of drink, or girlfriend, I’ll always say yes.” Before she can finish her speech confession, the naughty clock starts striking. A gust of wind blows out all the candles (oh how convenient) and immerses Wei Qing and Shan Bao in pitch blackness. Afraid that she might miss the chance, Shan Bao runs up and kisses Wei Qing, not once sought to check. Wu Di also hears the clock strike and gathers his flower to enter the church.

In front of him, Shan Bao, tiptoeing, is engrossed in a kiss with Wei Qing. The light comes on at that instant. Wu Di drops his flower. Shan Bao screams and pushes Wei Qing away. The Guang Ji Four let their jaws drop as far as they would go. “Zhao Wei Qing, I don’t care what you plan to do, Shan Bao is my woman.” Angrily, Wu Di pulls Shan Bao towards himself and kisses her full on the mouth. (Nevermind, we are getting a kiss scene after all. Well, technically two.) After kissing her and pacify a distraught Shan Bao of her mistake, he takes out the (gaudy) pin and clips it on for her – now she is branded with his sign, officially proclaimed as his property girlfriend.

Watching this couple before his eyes, Wei Qing tells Shan Bao,

If Sun Wu Di can bring you happiness, then I’ll wish you the best. But if he were to make you cry, I’ll be there and I will wipe away those tears for you.

Now you see what I mean when I said Wei Qing is more fickle than the recent weather? On the other hand, since Wei Qing kept repeating/hinting/foreshadowing that Sun Wu Di will hurt Shan Bao, brace yourself for some endless filler arcs with… (what’s her face? AH,) Ji Zu An.

7 thoughts on “Invincible Shan Bao Mei 13: Together, Almost”

  1. Ah yes, what’s her face…sometimes I think the writers must be at all night drinking parties when they do this stuff. As usual your take on things makes it all the more enjoyable. I don’t know but is there a Chinese word for a man with the spine of a jelly fish? Wei Qing perhaps? Thanks for the work.

  2. LMAO. u r too funny
    i love ur take on things
    first the lion king comment n now this:
    what the members of the production team hav in common

    thnx so much for the recaps
    esp. since there’s no subs

  3. So far, i’m up to episode 13, but i haven’t been able to find anywhere to watch it with english subs except for Vikii, but Vikii hardly ever works for me. It always gives me the quote, ‘Youtube blahblah rejected’ and i can’t watch it.

    Know anywhere to watch it with english subs ?

    Thanks. My email’s nancy.xu@live.com.au

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