Invincinble Shan Bao Mei 4: The Farce Beforehand

BOOOOM. The force exerted from the body, the acceleration of the moving body, and the mass of the body itself combined set off a cascade of reactions — the hole expanded at monumental speed in every conceivable direction. A light shone through it. Crack. A piece fell off. Then another.

Sun Wu Di and Hu Shan Bao step out of the freezer from the gaping hole and look up at the marvelous blue sky they’ve longed to see.

Water starts to pour into the ship.

In a panic, Shan Bao rummages the ship, looking for hope. She finds it — a life jacket — but only one. Without thinking, she puts it on Wu Di by force (after all, he is the weak one, both in strength and spirit) and pushes him into the ocean.

Sun Wu Di doesn’t want to leave a tiny girl on a sinking boat while he lives to roam the streets in guilt. He yells at her from the ocean, half expecting Shan Bao to charge at him, half unleashing his anger at her for wanting to sacrifice herself for him, “I am going to go back and broadcast the tape right now!” It worked. Shan Bao leans over the ream of the ship and apprehensively yells, “But! But you promised me you won’t!!” He gives her a hard look and swims away. She sinks into the puddle of water that’s soon to immerse the entire ship and suddenly finds herself homesick.

Wu Di swims away, still thinking about Shan Bao’s martyrdom, or, stupidity. He stops and turns back. Wu Di crawls aboard and sternly preaches Shan Bao, “Next time, would you Please stop putting other people before yourself?” She simply opens her mouth in a gasp, “you actually came back for me?” She pinches herself hard on the face, and it hurts. (Shan Bao is so cute.)

Of course the protagonists of the story are not going to turn into foam and vanish at the first ray of sunrise the same way little tragic mermaid did. It’s copyrighted anyway. So they find a life boat attached to the side of the ship and row their way back to the dock. Viola, that’s your physician recommended amount of exercise per week right there. Easy enough.

Once they are on land for a change, she gives him a biiiig hug to celebrate their survival and as a precaution, she asked again, “And the tape… You are not going to air it right?” He smiles and assures her that he is only teasing, “Otherwise,” he says, “I will marry you if it gets played, alright?” Shan Bao is pacified.

When Shan Bao’s family came back from their vigorous wire cutting, Shan Bao is already home and changed. She is convinced that Wu Di won’t jeopardize her trust and encourages her family to watch her new found friend’s TV show with her where Wu Di praises Guang Ji food. So the group of cheerful simpleton invite all the neighbors over and gather around the only TV in the vicinity that’s still receiving cable signals — oblivious of what’s going to happen.

Wu Di returns home for a little house cleaning. While chanting the slogan of thou-shall-trust-no-one, he places the burden, or, the power of the investigation for the mastermind behind the kidnap attempt on his uncle’s shoulder — the person who okayed the operation in the first place. The irony smells so sweet and rich that it’s like a glass of ’61 Chateau Latour.

The show starts. The video plays. The audience stares. And we anticipate the inevitable with a sureness as dogmatic as Shan Bao’s belief that Sun Wu Di will do as he promised. Then Shan Bao’s clear scream confirms everything. The inescapable is, as the word denotes, in-es-ca-pa-ble.

Sun Wu Di dashes into the control room to do damage control. He cuts into commercial despite the technicians’ protest and threatens his assistant to watch out for his wrath. Whatever Sun Wu Di feels at the time, it’s exacerbated a hundred times when Zu An passionately scolds him for his coldblooded-ness. He can’t help it. The damage is done. His promise is but an overdraft bank note.

Every story starts with something, whether it be a coincidence, a misunderstanding, or an embarrassment, something’s gotta happen. So, this is it. The farce before the actual love story. And our flat-chested duckling is en route to her swan lake…

... after she has moped and sulked

Shan Bao’s family tried to help her reconcile with what already happened, nothing worked, Shan Bao is so deeply in shame that she won’t even flinch. All she wanted is to dig a hole, jump into it, and bury herself forever. It’s Sun Wu Di’s personal arrival to offer the apology (I love how apology has the second meaning of defending one’s self in the Socratic usage. If you will, he came to defend himself and try to assuage the situation.) that made Shan Bao come down from her room at last. She blames herself for being stupid — stupid enough to try to enlarge her boobs that way and stupid enough to believe Sun Wu Di’s lie.

My assistant made a mistake. I came to say sorry.

So what? Will your sorry rewind everything? Will your sorry let me return to the time before the tape was played?

It’s already happened… But we can think about how I might make up for it… I can… I can help Guang Ji renovate… I can buy you a sports car… (like that’s any use to Shan Bao) As long as it’s something money can do, I can try to make it up for you… *Shan Bao’s dad shoos Wu Di away with an ax at this point. Wu Di takes a step back and continues, desperately, in a shaky voice* Shan Bao, you must have wishes… Let me, let invincible Sun Wu Di help you. My name is Wu Di. I’m invincible! (Notice how he calls her Shan Bao instead of by her full name?)

Then, can you make the roast meat smell on me disappear? Can you make me as frail as the other girls? Can you make my triceps disappear? Can.. can you return my Wei Qing to me? … Don’t tell people to make wishes to you, because you are NOT invincible. *Shan Bao walks away, still wrapped in her blanket*

Whether you believe it or not, I AM going to make your wish come true for you! *Wu Di calls after her*

To fully make up to Shan Bao, Wu Di starts on a scavenger hunt for Wei Qing. Wei Qing is working as the chief and waiter at a shabby restaurant. His self-righteousness doesn’t bare well with the job at hand and he gets himself fired on the very first day. Wei Qing runs out of the restaurant and runs into Wu Di, his money tree, gold mine.

Wu Di remembers Wei Qing from the wine tasting place where the I-will-sell-my-body-for-money, but-I-still-act-like-I-am-the-Count-of-Monte-Cristo petty boot-licker was publicly humiliated. A confrontation ensues as neither of the men like each other. Sorry, I understate. I mean the two men despise and loathe each other with a throbbing passion. (Am I exaggerating now? lol)

After a failed persuasion to convince Wei Qing into treasuring Shan Bao, as she is one of a kind, suicide-bomber-ish devoted to him, Sun Wu Di starts to talk real business. He is willing to pay Wei Qing 200,000 TD a month (equivalent to $6,232.4 or 4,393.3€ and that’s A LOT of money.) AND let him work at Tian Xiang Lou in return for him to get back with Shan Bao and make her happy. The only thing he mustn’t do is dump her, although she is welcome to dump him. The contract ends the day Shan Bao realizes she is in love with someone else.

The conditions are most tempting to Wei Qing, especially when Sun Wu Di himself gives Wei Qing the opportunity to work at Tian Xiang Lou, where he can bring the business down as part of his vendetta. He accepts the offer and is up for mischief.

Wu Di is so determined to make everything right for Shan Bao that he plans a grand TV rendezvous for Wei Qing and Shan Bao. If he can’t make her smile again, he thought to himself, he will let her post his nude picture in good grace.

The next day, a makeup artist and his assistant fetched Shan Bao from Guang Ji and drove her away in a sleek limousine. Time to get dolled up!

she looks... like a princess

I may not change the past, but I can control the future. I can promise you that after today, no one will laugh at you. … If Wei Qing is your dream, I will make your dream come true.

— those are Sun Wu Di’s words as he looks at the post-makeover Shan Bao in the eye, stunned by her beauty and unable to take his eyes off her. (As dazzled as he was by her, he still managed to pull those words out of his rear. Bravo.)

And so Hu Shan Bao, the flat-chested, muscular, smelly girl goes on Sun Wu Di’s show like a gorgeous princess in pink sashes and a sparking crown. Sun Wu Di starts the show by replaying the video from yesterday, this time, lifting the blurred out area to expose Shan Bao’s “real” cup size.

Shan Bao with D cup, isn't it hilarious?

(Hail photoshop!) Wu Di beams at Shan Bao, it’s sort of like a dream come true right? She’s finally got the big boobs that she wanted. But the surprise isn’t over. Wei Qing walks out of the curtain like a dark knight (Sorry Batman, I’m not trying to insult you by comparing you with Wei Qing. It’s just that he’s wearing dark colors…) Wu Di holds out a hand and waits for Shan Bao to slip her tiny hand into his, then turning to Wei Qing, who is bending in a half bow to take her hand from Wu Di, he stops and holds on to Shan Bao’s hand. The three of them freeze for a good second with Shan Bao trying to break free from Wu Di’s grasp to go to Wei Qing; Wu Di holding on to Shan Bao, not willing to give her up yet; and Wei Qing waiting with a malignant smile. Finally Wu Di loosens the grip and graciously puts Shan Bao’s hand into Wei Qing’s and waltz away from the two of them.

Shan Bao and Wu Di are developing feelings for each other, at last. (It’s been a month!) The image of each other start to cross their mind more often than they notice, and they easily drop the other’s surname while addressing each other. The rest is for them to start realizing their feelings.

The plot is straight forward. With Wu Di’s uncle being in the dark plotting, Wei Qing joining Tian Xiang Lou, and Sun Wu Di being too cocky to believe that people dare overthrow him, he is going to fall pretty darn hard. But it’s ok — he’s got Shan Bao’s strong arms to catch him as he falls. She’ll tell him she’s there and it’s all over. (Um alright, I ripped the last line from the first line of Evanescence’s Whisper. But you get the idea: boy=girl, girl=boy.)

4 thoughts on “Invincinble Shan Bao Mei 4: The Farce Beforehand”

  1. wow i wonder how long the entire series will be?? … i hope it doesn’t drag but so far so good. while i wait for the episode to be subbed its good to have your response it what keeps the viewers going lol ………thank you

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