Half a day went by, Shan Bao is still waiting at Tian Xiang Lou. (As if sheer waiting accomplishes anything.) Wu Di goes about doing the usual business. He peaks down at one point and sees Shan Bao leaning on her motorbike, fanning herself listlessly. He muses. Of course Sun Wu Di is cocky, of course he is a hostile person, but he is certainly Not an idiot. It’s one thing to tease someone, another to publicize an embarrassing bathroom moment to the world (with youtube being so efficient and all). Besides, it’ll bring down the professional side of Tian Xiang Lou, making it a second rate comedy show. (And then we’ll have to redefine the word comedy, broaden its spectrum.)
Here’s a song from the OST, sung by Nicholas Teo:
Dismissing Shan Bao quickly out of his mind, Sun Wu Di asks, “How many times did Zu An call?” Nada. Pas du tous. “Must be bad reception. Change the phone company.” Wu Di dismisses that as well. Either this guy is exceedingly obtuse when it comes to women, or he has buried his head deep in denial. In any case, his mind is preoccupied at the moment by Eight-nation Alliance.
We’re not talking about some invasive coup here, we are talking about four weird-looking descendants of eight nations. (weird-looking because they aren’t really Anglo-Saxons and they don wigs like those you see in the 16th century.) These guys want to, euphemistically speaking, revolutionize Asian cuisine. In simple terms, they want to monopolize the food industry. (Although, it should be quadru-polize since there are four of ’em.) These four guys want to get a little “creative” with Asian cuisine, like, adding mayonnaise to rice cakes. (Eww. Yuck. Gross.) These four men are shockingly successful in their pursuits to obtain whatever influential food networks there are in the region and change the food according to their own liking. This time, they have named Tian Xiang Lou. So the worry is that Tian Xiang Lou might face the danger of going bankrupt and be forced to serve whatever disgusting dishes the Eight-Nation Alliance feels partial towards.
Tian Xiang Lou is worried. Sun Wu Di’s lack of charisma over his staff only catalyzes the feelings of anxiety. Hence, whispers of rebellion starts to get louder and voices of supporting Wu Di’s uncle chatters on.
Wu Di tracks down Zu An’s father in a wine tasting event to have him talk some sense into Zu An. He reasons that after being with such a successful man such as himself, she must compare every other male on the planet with him, and thus, Wu Di is worried that Zu An may not find a guy at all. Look he’s so full of himself.
The rich woman at Lucifer takes Wei Qing to the public event as well. A convenient coincidence. The pair are gooey and mushy on the sofa, one on top of the other, inseparable like ivy on a brick wall. The woman seduces Wei Qing to kiss her. Just as he bends down to press his lips on hers, the woman’s husband slaps him across the back of his head and busts Wei Qing. (hah!)
The woman flinches, when she sees her husband’s angry face, she slides towards him immediately, wrapping her arm around his waist and points at Wei Qing, “This guy tries to kiss me!” (like she didn’t want to be kissed.) “What? You dare to make a move towards my wife?! Pull him out and beat the crap out of him!” the man orders. Fortunately, the adulteress still has a thing for Wei Qing, she suggests that they settle the dispute by making Wei Qing kiss the man’s dirty shoes.
Wu Di witnesses the outbreak and thinks to himself, “I would rather be beaten to death than to tarnish my pride like that.” His uncle watches silently.
Wei Qing hesitates, then the thought of his daughter still in the hospital bends his principle (I mean what kind of principle can he possible follow if he’s willing to leach money off a wealthy married woman?). He kneels down, ready to kiss the shoe. Wu Di’s uncle steps out before his lip can make contact with the glossy surface of the shoe and interrupts the farce. The husband is willing to spare Wei Qing of the shoe-kissing humiliation – it’s not his idea in the first place – but he still wants to jam a fist or two into Wei Qing’s pretty face. So the brute waves his first, before it can land on Wei Qing’s terrified face, Wu Di catches it and cleverly smothers it. He appeases, “Why bother hitting a loser like him? He is repulsive. If you hit him, you’ll have to disinfect your hands later. What a hassle.” Wei Qing’s face burns hotter and hotter at Sun Wu Di’s insult. The thought that the guy whom Wei Qing bestowed all his misfortunes upon helped him, is maddening to Wei Qing. He storms out in a fury.
Shan Bao is still waiting at Tian Xiang Lou. (I wonder how Wu Di came out unscratched. Shouldn’t she be blocking him at every possible intersection?) Patience is running low, so Shan Bao decides to break in.
She stumbles upon two Tian Xiang Lou employees who plan to kidnap Wu Di. The threesome discuss possible routes to reach Wu Di’s restaurant-home on the top of Tian Xiang Lou before parting.
Sun Wu Di is in the house, sitting by the bed with an exaggerated black mask on. He’s not reenacting his childhood dream of becoming a ninja, he’s not doing massive dusting either, he’s wearing it to avoid inhaling the scent of the perfume he smashed. The erotic smell of Zu An. Now the smell has sipped through the carpet, tainting every particle of the room with the reminder of Zu An’s lingering presence and the inevitable realization that she is Not coming back. Wu Di tries to calm down. He pours himself a cup of coffee. (Bad idea. Coffee keeps you up so you’ll be enveloped in the fragrance while thinking about her allllllllllll night.) But the scent is stronger. Finally, irritated, he calls to replace the carpet and head out to take a shower.
This is when Shan Bao makes her entrance. From the Tian Xiang Lou kitchen and up the ceiling. She gives herself a short tour of Wu Di’s place and graffiti on his portrait hanging on the wall. When she hears the water running in the bathroom, she traces the sound and opens the restroom door. She holds her phone and snaps a few pictures of Sun Wu Di’s masculine instrument. Now Shan Bao has a bargaining chip. One nude picture trade for the nude tape. (I wonder if this is inspired by Edison Chen’s photo scandal.)
Wu Di quickly puts on a bath robe and comes after Hu Shan Bao. They tug and pull, back and fro until they are at the door, until they open the door to let the kidnappers in. (*rolls eyes*) So they are kidnapped, by two imbeciles holding a nunchaku. (Jay Chou’s song springs to mind.)
The kidnappers wrap them up in the carpet and head down the building to a local port where one of the kidnappers’ father works as a fisherman. (I’m sure Wu Di is dying right now, enwrapped in Zu An’s aroma without his black mask and all.)
While binded together, on the road to the ship, Sun Wu Di thought to himself, “Umm my mistake, she actually has some boobs.”
When they are finally dropped off for an, let’s say, extended stay on a cruise, they find themselves tied to a pole in the freezer of a ship, used to store fish. It’s -20 °C in the freezer (equivalent to -4 °F). Not good for a man dressed in his bath robe.
Wu Di shivers. Shan Bao notices it and gets up. She runs around the small freezer, jumping, hopping, then bends down to give Sun Wu Di some of the heat she generated in the short exercise routine. Sun Wu Di removes his egomaniac hat for a second to enjoy the warmth of being cared for. Only a second before he recomposes himself and keeps the tears of gratitude at bay.
When you are locked up in a dark, freezing place, drifting in mid ocean, you have very little to do other than counting sheep or you talking to the person next to you. Sun Wu Di decides to tell Shan Bao his first encounter with kidnappers and the consequent barrel drifting experience that mirrors the present situation. When the bedtime story time is up, he asks Shan Bao, “Do you think I can still trust those who are close to me?” It’s meant to be rhetorical, yet Shan Bao thinks otherwise. “So you have no relatives… No wonder you became such a difficult person. But even after what happened to you, you still need a friend.” “I told you,” Wu Di interjects, “I like to be by myself.” “If that’s what you think, then why don’t you live on top of your Tian Xiang Lou for the rest of your life and never come down? Don’t let anyone get a chance to climb up the top.” “That’s precisely what I’m going to do. From now on, I will block every route that leads up to me so no one can ever get close.” (AHH the symbolism!) “Close all the routes? How would you get out? What about when you’re hungry? When you are sick or sad? Lonely and want to talk? What would you do then?” Shan Bao reasons. “As long as no one comes close, I won’t get hurt.” (I feel you, buddy.) “That’s because you can’t even live. If you can’t even live anymore, how can you get hurt? I am afraid of getting hurt too. … But no matter how big the wound, it will eventually heal.” (I feel you too.)
The psych counseling goes on. When Wu Di reveals a corner of his relationship problems to Shan Bao, Shan Bao advises: maybe you should try to place a little more trust in your relationship for it to blossom. (I took the liberty to beautify her advice a little here.) Wu Di thinks on Zu An’s last words and agrees that trust is important, yet his trust issue is bigger than he thinks.
The thread of the conversation turns back to the video. Wu Di chuckles and promises that he has no intention of showing Shan Bao’s little embarrassing moment on TV. (He doesn’t plan to air it doesn’t mean his assistant, who is responsible of editing the film won’t broadcast it.) Assured, Hu Shan Bao is envigorated. She gets up and bumps against the locked door, breaking it and probably bursts a blood vessel in the process. Wu Di watches in awe, then after the initial shock and a long winded “wow”, he exclaims, “Who said it’s bad for a girl to be strong? A normal girl wouldn’t be able to break the door.” (And a normal guy would.)
Meanwhile, Shan Bao’s Guang Ji family are busy cutting TV wires to prevent neighbors from watching the show.
I love the review at the beginning. It’s interesting. Once you hear Sun Wu Di’s theme song enough times, it gets stuck in your head and the next thing you know, you are humming it. *blushes*
Oh and, come on, let the courship begin already!